


Leave Me Your Stardust to Remember You By

by MellytheHun



Series: Kylux Angst November [11]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Anal Sex, Angst, Death, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Explicit Sexual Content, Flirting, Hair-pulling, Heavy Angst, Loss, M/M, Pining, Romance, Tragedy, Tragic Romance, tumblr event
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-27
Updated: 2016-11-27
Packaged: 2018-09-02 16:00:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8673664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MellytheHun/pseuds/MellytheHun
Summary: Day Twenty-Six of Angst November: Touch(Yes, I know this is very late, but I was traveling and doing important school work so forGIVE ME)





	

**Author's Note:**

> _“I want someone who is fierce and will love me until death and knows that love is as strong as death, and be on my side forever and ever. I want someone who will destroy and be destroyed by me.”_ \- Jeanette Winterson

**1.**

“You look handsome like this.”

“What?”

“I’m not repeating myself.”

Kylo stares into the mirror with Hux behind him, watching as Hux combs his hair back into a type of braid. Hux isn’t looking back into the mirror to meet eyes with Kylo, but he seems to feel Kylo’s gaze all the same. He rakes his fingers through Kylo’s black locks until they’re smooth and manageable. 

Kylo has never had his hair touched at such length like this before. He’s never had someone touch him for so long – for any reason.

“You’ll thank me,” Hux insists for the umpteenth time, “I swear, I don’t know how you spar with this flying in your face all the time.”

The cool air on Kylo’s neck relaxes him and his back presses against Hux’s chest a little. He turns his head slightly and Hux looks at the side of Kylo’s face in return.

Hux has to notice Kylo’s slight weight on him and his eyes speak volumes – though, in a language Kylo can’t recognize. Neither mention it.

“Much better, right?”

“Mm,” Kylo replies, not trusting his voice enough to thank Hux properly.

**2.**

Hux is smirking at him with crossed arms and Kylo glares at him, though there’s no heat behind it and there hasn’t been for a long time. Besides, Kylo knows Hux is always glad when he returns safely from a planet-side mission, no matter what expression he wears.

They meet each other halfway on the bridge and Hux eyes him, takes in Kylo and all his rain-drenched pitifulness. Kylo can tell Hux is holding back laughter. 

Reaching into his uniform pocket, Hux produces an embroidered handkerchief and doesn’t offer it to Kylo, but runs it across Kylo’s forehead and down his cheek with his own hand. Kylo’s head is tilted down to meet Hux’s eyes and he seems to tower over Hux somehow.

Some locks of his hair are still dripping and a droplet of rain lands on Hux’s cheek. It forces Kylo to notice the very light freckles just under Hux’s eyes and the length of his opaque lashes.

“You look like a drenched, bad-luck cat,” Hux jokes – he’s cocky for all but a second; when Kylo takes a step closer into Hux’s space, he feels Hux’s heart thump in something like anticipation. 

Kylo tilts his head curiously, asking silently why Hux is getting flustered at his experimental step toward him. Predictably, Hux doesn’t respond to the unasked question and instead wraps his handkerchief around some of Kylo’s long-hanging hair and mumbles about him always tracking a mess around the ship.

Kylo can’t help but smile while Hux soaks up the rain from him and refuses eye-contact.

**3.**

The first thing Kylo knows when he wakes after Starkiller is the gentle touch of Hux’s ungloved hand over his forehead. The tips of Hux’s fingers are brushing over his forehead, raking back into his hair and over his scalp. It’s the most comforting sensation Kylo thinks he’s ever experienced. 

He can’t open his eyes yet, too weak and too tired, but he feels Hux’s fingers and smells Hux’s cologne and a deep satisfaction rolls over him.

_I’m safe_ , he thinks gratefully, knowing Hux is to credit for his rescue and wanting to thank him, but finding his throat too sore and too dry.

“Ren? Are you awake?”

Kylo manages to make some sort of noise in response and then he receives a throbbing headache from the tidal wave of elation that crashes over him. He’s currently feeling like a torn tendon or an exposed nerve and Hux’s aura is typically so calm, he expected it to soothe him – Hux’s energy is anything but calm, though.

Hux is even… _delighted_. It’s difficult for Kylo to understand. 

“Don’t move an inch,” Hux says, as if Kylo could, “I’ll get a medical droid and –“

The moment Hux draws his hand away, Kylo blindly reaches out for it, snatching Hux by the wrist before he can get away. His grasp is delicate and Hux could easily pull out of it, but he doesn’t.

“No,” Kylo croaks, making a weak attempt at clearing his throat, “No. Don’t stop.”

“Don’t stop what?”

“The hair,” Kylo answers nonspecifically. 

He can sense Hux’s thumping heart again and he thinks he understands what it means this time. He rubs his thumb back and forth over the heart of Hux’s palm and adds, “please stay. Everything else can wait.”

Kylo is glad to have kept his eyes shut because the silence that follows is very intense. He can’t imagine the expression on Hux’s face and he won’t open his eyes to find out what it is. He wonders when it was that Hux started to make him so nervous.

“Alright,” Hux eventually answers.

Hux sits back down, but not on the chair. He sits on the bed where there’s little room for him, but he’s closer like this and he can lean next to Kylo and pet his hair back, keeping it away from his fevered, flustered face. 

The light petting back of his hair with Hux’s warm, broad hand is so wonderful, so peaceful that Kylo falls back asleep almost immediately.

**4.**

Hux’s lips are softer and fuller than Kylo expected them to feel, his body is inviting and taut with wound up energy, but what Kylo feels most acutely is Hux’s fingers threading through his hair.

Just a moment before, Kylo and Hux had been arguing – or rather, Hux had been arguing _at_ Kylo.

Kylo had been planet-side and his personal comm channel had failed and all the alternatives Hux shouted at him were viable, but he hadn’t thought of them at the time. He didn’t realize his few days of radio silence would cause Hux so much distress and when he said that, it only seemed to make Hux more irate. 

Before Kylo fully understood what was happening, Hux was prowling toward him, pushing him in the chest with a disapproving index finger and telling him he’s unreliable, he’s irresponsible, he’s the bane of Hux’s very existence – Kylo wondered, out loud maybe, why he can be all those things and still have Hux look at him the way he does.

Then Hux pushed his fingers through the curtains of Kylo’s hair, tilted his head and closed the distance between them. 

Kylo’s hands all but flew to Hux’s waist, keeping him close and wanting him closer. The harder Kylo gripped or the more confidently his hands roamed, the more Hux’s hands massaged his hair and made his jaw go slack. 

_How long have I wanted this?_ Kylo wonders and he wonders too, _how long has Hux wanted this?_

With Hux pressed up against him, he can feel the way Hux’s heart beats for him, the wild, thrilled staccato he incites and it’s empowering, intoxicating – he wants Hux now and that’s all that matters, really. He doesn’t need to know when it started. Hux wants him now too and while Kylo’s curious as to why or how or when, it doesn’t really matter because Hux’s tongue is probing and gentle and his touch is curious and adoring and just a little desperate. 

Chills run over Kylo’s entire body and he shivers from head to toe as Hux’s hands delve deeper into his unruly mane and he kisses Hux more fervently, touches Hux more assuredly, thinking _don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t stop…_

**5.**

The first time Kylo comes untouched, he’s on his hands and knees, blush dark and scattered over his body, bruises where Hux’s fingertips have been forceful and exhilarating and there’s a sheen of sweat over all his skin. 

His shoulders are hunched and rounded high by his burning ears, his head is bent down and his hair is fanned out over Hux’s blankets. He’s gotten loud, his powers have spiked and come untethered, making a mess of Hux’s room, breaking lights and denting metal. Hux doesn’t mind, if the way he gasps and groans at each power surge is anything to go by.

Hux has found the perfect rhythm (because he’s perfect at everything he does), Hux has found just the right angle (because he’s right about everything) and Hux has drawn out and teased Kylo for more than an hour (because he’s sadistic) and Kylo’s desperate to have Hux’s permission to come (because he needs it).

He mutters as much into the sheets and Hux thrusts harder into him, his clean, trimmed nails scraping down Kylo’s flanks and making his cock throb. He moans pathetically while his fists turn white-knuckled on the bed and Hux leans over him, still rutting up into him, rubbing all the right places, his left hand traveling down Kylo’s trembling thigh.

“You love having me inside you, don’t you?”

With his head swimming and body pulsating with dizzy need, Kylo doesn’t think clearly before answering in a ragged breath, “love having you – love you – love you. I love you…”

He doesn’t have enough blood in his head to even realize the gravity of what he’s said – the words come out and they’re true and they’re real and natural, but then his brain is focused on Hux’s cock inside him again and he thrusts back onto Hux, wanting and needing more.

He can feel Hux’s heart again, the way it hammers and jumps and then Hux is grabbing at the tresses of Kylo’s hair and pulling back sharply.

“Say that again,” Hux orders, thrusts coming harder and faster.

Kylo’s back arches and tears slip from his eyes – he isn’t sure what purpose they serve or why they’re there at all. His eyes are half-lidded, glazed with pleasure and he confesses again, “I love you. I love you. Hux…”

He doesn’t realize how sincere those words are until he can’t stop them from coming; “I love you, I love you – Stars, I love you, Hux – Hux –“

“Would you like to hear that I love you back?”

Something bizarre and unprecedented happens in Kylo’s chest and everything within and without him quivers with vulnerability. He nods and instantly Hux yanks his hair back again, drawing a high-pitched moan from him. 

Hux’s lips hover next to his ear, giving him chills down his neck and side.

“Of course I do,” Hux tells him lowly, spreading his fingers over Kylo’s scalp to massage rather than pull and Kylo lets out a strangled breath, “Of course I love you.”

Kylo spills over Hux’s satin sheets and far from bothered, Hux seems proud. He kisses the back of Kylo’s neck, rubs his hand through Kylo’s tangled, mussed hair and mutters admissions of love until he’s coming, buried deep in Kylo and biting into the back of Kylo’s shoulder.

**\+ 1**

When Kylo was ordered to kill Hux, it was reliving an old nightmare. His saber went through Hux and Hux’s hand had reached out, petting Kylo’s face and with just his fingertips, brushing Kylo’s hair one last time. 

The awe, the betrayal and anguish in Hux’s eyes ruined Kylo just as much as that lingering touch did. When Hux’s body hit the floor, it echoed and reverberated deep down in Kylo’s weak uncharacteristically weak stomach. 

Snoke told him it was for the best – that romantic love complicated journeys like the one Kylo was set upon. 

Kylo never could have known true regret until he was left alone with all that remained of the once glowing, blushing, smiling, demanding marvel that was General Hux. 

Kylo lingered with the body long after Snoke’s hologram vanished. He fell to the marble ground, pulled Hux’s paling body into his lap and combed his fingers through Hux’s fiery hair. 

He wondered why he never took the time to before – Hux’s hair was soft and so beautiful. It’s color and feathery texture were so unique and rare, like jasper and citrine gems, shining and vibrant.

He wished Hux would open his eyes, he wished Hux’s heart would thump, he wished he could take everything back – having never loved Hux, putting Hux in the danger of that love. He wished he were stronger, he wished he were more than he is, he wished he disobeyed Snoke and let himself die in the place of Hux. 

He wasn’t sure why he didn’t just do that – if he’d disobeyed Snoke, though, Snoke would have killed them both and perhaps he’d have killed Hux with less mercy.

Perhaps he’d have tortured Hux and made Kylo watch. 

Or perhaps he’d have killed Kylo first so that Hux would have been entirely alone and without any sense of protection or loyalty or love to comfort him through the worst of it.

None of that mattered, though. Hux was gone and Kylo’s hands had never seemed bloodier, his heart had never been heavier.

Kylo stayed with the body until Officers were sent in to retrieve him and to collect the remains. 

He isn’t sure what happened after that. He’s been in a terrible daze, numb and blood so loud in his head that he can scarcely hear anything else.

Lost in Darkness, Kylo is unable to remember how he got to Hux’s quarters. He’s there, though and the room smells like Hux and it’s all so painfully familiar and comforting that it could have been the memory of a childhood home. 

Hux is so gone from him that he doesn’t even haunt the room – he is vanished, he is Gone and Kylo hates himself more than anything or anyone possibly could.

He lies down on Hux’s bed, eyes watering at how deeply embedded Hux’s scent is in the sheets, knowing that soon, those scents will be gone and Kylo has no idea what he’ll do when that happens. 

From Hux’s bed, Kylo can sense Captain Phasma’s bone-deep sorrow, he can sense the mourning, the grief, confusion and upset among the remaining army that worshipped Hux. He can feel it all and it sits in his chest, burning through him like a corrosive acid. 

Tears fall from the corners of both his eyes and he winds a shaking hand through some of his hair, remembering how medicinal it was before. 

He remembers the air on his neck the first time Hux interrupted sparring to braid it back, he remembers Hux grasping a tress of it with his personalized handkerchief to dry it, he remembers Hux petting his hair back on the med bay’s stiff bed. He remembers how Hux thread his fingers through it when he first kissed Kylo and Kylo remembers every moment those hands and fingers and eyes and lips worshipped him, loved him and gave him everything he never knew he needed.

All he can think as his fingers trail off the dead ends is that it doesn’t nearly feel the same as when Hux did it.


End file.
